There was a whole lifetime of regret staring Pat in the face. Behind him was everything that had ever brought him really joy. Yet he couldn’t turn away, couldn’t turn back. For as long as he could remember he’d felt the tug at his soul to keep on moving, never staying in any one place for very long. He thought, with his most recent stopping point, that perhaps he could stay a while, maybe even for the rest of his life, but it wasn’t to be.

Of course, true to form he’d chosen to leave on a day that it was raining. He could never get the timing right. Just once he’d like to leave on a day that wasn’t mirroring the pain in the lives of those he was leaving behind.

Judy knew what she was getting into when they first met. Pat was just settling down after his most recent flight and told her as much. She seemed to think his semi-nomadic lifestyle was fascinating, exciting even. That was then. Now that Pat was leaving she hated it.

If Pat could stay he would, but every time he tried to linger on once the drive to leave hit him, everything he used to enjoy or love about that place would sour. The company of the friends he’d made became a chore. The jobs he held became torture. All he could think about was what might be just beyond the next town, the next state, the next country. Anywhere but where he was at that time sounded far better than whatever he had available to him at the moment.

It was foolish, perhaps even a bit deranged. When he was younger his parents tried putting him on various medications after he continued to run away. They managed to keep him around through high school and even into his first couple semesters of college but eventually the wanderlust returned. He told those who asked about it that the meds had stopped working.

His backpack was a heavy weight on his shoulders as he walked down the sidewalk towards the bus stop.

“Come back!” Judy called out from behind him. “Please, come back!”

She was crying. He could tell without needing to look back at her. He loved her. He was pretty sure he loved her, anyway. But the call was too strong. If he stayed, he would eventually come to hate her and every good memory of her would fade into nothing but disgust. Once that happened he knew he would begin to tear her apart until she hated him too. No, this way she could still hold onto that love, tainted by sorrow as it was.

She was still calling after him when he reached the bus stop and so he didn’t stop walking. Instead, he turned down the next street and kept on walking. He’d walk until he found whatever it was he was looking for. He never knew what he was looking for, only that he’d found it once he felt the need to move on dissipate. Then he’d find a place to stay, find a job, maybe make a few friends along the way until the urge to move on came again. Sure, it left him with regrets, but having memories of those who had loved him, perhaps still loved him, were far better than any of the alternatives.

Those he left behind would heal, he was sure of it. They were all the sort of people who could stay in one place. They needed others who could do the same for them.

“PAT!” Judy screamed, making him jump.

Pat had assumed Judy had let him go finally when he’d kept on going on past the bus stop but clearly she had continued after him. As a rule, he never looked back when he was leaving. He’d made up his mind and there was no use second guessing himself now. Instead, as he passed an office building with angled glass windows he stole a glance into one of the back facing panes and saw Judy’s reflection. It wasn’t a clear reflection, but enough that he could make out her form. She was wearing her long, dark coat. The one he had bought for her last winter. She was only a few feet behind him and was keeping pace with his determined stride.

“Pat, you can’t just up and leave!” Judy declared vehemently but then her voice softened as her crying turned into pleading. “We have a life here. There’s no reason for you to leave.”

He said nothing to her. Just like looking back, answering her would mean giving in, would mean considering staying. She was better off without him and someday she would see it.

Judy followed him for several more miles, begging him to stay but he never wavered. She had been the most insistent of anyone he had ever known before and it was difficult for him not to weaken and relent. In the end, as the rain became a downpour and the temperature dropped so far that he could see his breath, Judy gave up. She didn’t turn back right away. She just stopped following him and watched as he moved farther and farther away. He could hear her sobs fading into the distance until, finally, only the noise of the rain could be heard. The last connection to his previous life was cut and only new beginnings lay ahead of him.

He smiled even as his teeth chattered in the cold.