Vinay was awake. He wasn’t sure how long he’d been awake, but it felt like a long time. He’d barely slept at all that night and had slid so smoothly back into wakefulness that he couldn’t tell when the transition had taken place. His jaw ached from being clenched so often and he had to keep reminding himself to relax. As the light outside increased, he began looking around his room. There were no decorations and nothing he would consider furniture. His mattress lay flat on the bare floor and his clothes sat jumbled in an assortment of totes that he kept stacked in the corner. A few months ago, his room had looked completely different.

As soon as he saw the first sliver of sunlight slip in through his window, Vinay tossed off his blanket and got up. It was Saturday so he didn’t have any school. In years past he would have spent the weekend relaxing, playing with friends, or maybe doing some homework. He wished he could still do those things.

He was just finished buttoning he shirt when there was a knock on his door.

“Vinay, you awake?”

It was his older sister, Hira.

“Yeah,” Vinay said when he opened the door. “Ready?”

Hira looked at him for a moment and then said, “Are you forgetting something?”

Vinay had been about to leave his room when he remembered and smacked his head gently.

“Right,” he said and returned to the piled totes in his room. He sifted through the bottom tote until he felt the smooth handle he’d been looking for. He lifted out the battered violin case and tucked it under his arm.

Hira nodded and together they slipped out of the apartment. The early morning was quiet and they didn’t see any of their neighbors while they walked through the apartment complex. The road was only just beginning to show the first signs of weekend traffic. Vinay looked at the cars as they passed and felt a pang of jealousy. Vinay and Hira weren’t walking that far but he still wished he didn’t have to do so much walking.

“I think I’ve walked more in the past two months than I have in the whole rest of the year,” he said.

“Same,” Hira replied. “But at least it’s good exercise.”

Vinay only grunted.

“At least it’s not cold.”

“Not yet,” Vinay said darkly.

They were quiet for the rest of their walk, finally turning in to a large parking lot. Hira went inside the grocery store attached to the parking lot and Vinay began looking for a place to set up. He wanted to be near to the entrance, but not so close that the store manager would get upset. His and Hira’s plan was not exactly loitering or harassing to the store’s patrons but he could also see the store manager trying to get rid of them if they became a problem.

Vinay hated being there, hated the prospect of getting in trouble, but he didn’t see many alternatives. He shuffled his feet nervously, standing on the thin strip of dirt that separated the parking stalls from the lane that ran in front of the store.

Hira returned a few minutes later, carrying a wide strip of cardboard and a marker in one hand and a stool in the other.

“They said I could borrow it,” Hira explained when Vinay nodded towards the stool. “I figure we can take turns if we get tired.”

“Okay,” Vinay still felt nervous and couldn’t think of anything else to say.

Hira set the piece of cardboard onto the ground and then wrote on it using the marker:

Our mom lost her job. Raising money to pay rent.

Hira sat down on the stool and held up the sign. Vinay felt his stomach turn and shame rose up inside of him. He thought he was going to cry but he forced himself to focus as he pulled out his violin and began to play.

For almost as long as he could remember he’d been playing the violin. There were few things he felt truly comfortable doing but playing the violin was always one of those things that he always enjoyed. As long as he could play, he felt safe. He closed his eyes and let the music flow through him. He didn’t need to think about what he was doing; his body had learned to instinctively act to produce whatever music he wanted. He could hear a piece played and then immediately play it back. He loved music and it filled him whenever he played.

Time passed without him noticing whenever he played and he was only vaguely aware of people going passed. He wondered if he and Hira were earning any money. So few people carried cash on them anymore that he wondered how any of the people he saw with signs on the side of the road made any money.

Hira tapped him on the shoulder after a long while and Vinay stopped playing.

“Yeah?” he asked.

He noted how much higher in the sky the sun was now, well into the afternoon, and he became aware for the first tome of the aches in his body from standing and playing so long.

“The manager’s asked us to leave,” Hira said and only then did Vinay notice the man, already walking back towards the store.

Vinay nodded and began packing away his violin.

“How’d we do?” he asked nervously.

Hira only shook her head, a few silent tears going down her face. Vinay looked back up at the sun in the sky. There was still a fair amount of time in the day, but this was the only place within walking distance that either of them could think of where enough people would pass them. None of the parks were ever that busy and there weren’t any other large stores nearby.

“Mom’s going to be missing us,” Vinay told Hira as they began walking back towards the sidewalk. “You go home, I’ll see if I can find another place.”

Hira nodded, handing him the sign. At the sidewalk they went in different directions. Vinay wondered if Hira knew where he was going. She certainly gave him a sorrowful look when they split up. For her sake, he managed to keep his smile in place until she looked away. His new destination was only another mile or so away and he made no effort to hurry his pace. When he passed a dumpster he tossed the cardboard sign inside. He wouldn’t need it. The weight of his violin case, so familiar in his hand, seemed to grow heavier with every step.

Vinay’s destination, the local pawn shop, came into view far sooner than he’d hoped and he found himself unable to continue walking. His feet stayed rooted to the ground as he struggled to convince them to keep going. The violin case felt even heavier than ever and he wondered if the handle would break from the strain.

How could he sell his violin? It was a gift from his orchestra teacher since his family couldn’t afford one. But what good was a violin if they became homeless? He already knew he could get enough from the violin to cover rent for the month. If his mom could just find a new job this month he might even be able to go buy the violin back, but there was no guarantee.

Vinay felt a molar in the back of his mouth crack from how tightly he’d been clenching his jaw. The pain was sharp but brief and he cursed himself for causing yet another problem for himself and his family. He prodded the tooth with his tongue and felt the chunk of molar shift and come away. He spat the bit of tooth out. It looked like almost half of the molar had broken off.

He sighed in defeat. He couldn’t live like this. His family couldn’t live like this. With or without the violin, his family needed a place to live. Finally, Vinay found his strength again and he walked into the pawn shop. He’d sleep a bit easier at night, he knew, for another month at least. He didn’t know what he’d tell his mom or Hira, let alone his orchestra teacher, when they found out what he’d done, but he’d cross that bridge when it came. For now, he needed his strength to say good bye to his violin.