BaBS-Y stood in the salon, surrounded by the last few clients it had been able to gather. Their hair, like the dozens before them, was thinning and falling out. Really, there wasn’t much that BaBS-Y could do with them but the protocols to keep the salon open and functioning were still winning out over the protocols calling for BaBS-Y to close and secure the salon. And yet, what more could BaBS-Y do?

Activating Creativity Protocols

Under normal circumstances, those protocols were used to invent new hair styles or to better interact with clients. However, there was nothing in the programming that didn’t allow BaBS-Y to be creative in other ways. It was BaBS-Y’s ability to be creative that had allowed for it to gather so many new clients over the past several days. Unfortunately, there was a finite amount of useful tools in the salon and BaBS-Y had reach the limit of what those tools could accomplish in regards to gathering new clients. Whatever BaBS-Y was going to do, it had to be something other than cutting and styling hair. Right?

BaBS-Y ran a quick search through the goods and services the salon offered without finding anything new it wasn’t already attempting to do. There were, of course, other salons and barber shops on board. A quick search of the ship’s records revealed a number of services that the Frank Nelis salons didn’t offer. Pedicures and manicures were of interest. It turned towards the client sitting in the salon chair. The finger nails looked like they were still in decent enough condition, and certainly long enough to benefit from a trim.

Logic Error: The Frank Nelis Salon lacks the equipment and products required to provide manicures or pedicures

BaBS-Y considered the logic error for a few moments, ruling out in turn the scissors and electric trimmers as substitutes for nail clippers and files. Besides, nearly all of BaBS-Y’s programming was focused around hair. Sure, BaBS-Y could adapt and develop new protocols but with such rudimentary tools available, BaBS-Y had an unacceptably high probability of cutting off the clients fingers and toes.

Deactivate Creativity Protocols

Salon is no longer functional. Secure salon and deactivate

BaBS-Y gently lifted the now former client out of the salon chair and carried it back out, depositing it with the rest. The displays beside the entry way blinked off and  BaBS-Y slid the glass doors shut. It took its time straightening the chairs in the waiting area. BaBS-Y dismantled the tool it had constructed to aid in gathering new clients, separating the components that were still functional from the ones that had been damaged. The hair drier was completely broken now, but without an atmosphere it wouldn’t have been of any use had it not been damaged. Several minutes were devoted to aligning the products on their display shelves before BaBS-Y finally picked up the broom and gave the salon one final sweep. As BaBS-Y carried the dustpan over to the trash receptacle, it realized that it was now so full that it couldn’t accept any more waste. BaBS-Y tried compacting the hair down manually but the trash receptacle had already compacted it as much as possible. All BaBS-Y had accomplished was scattering more hair onto the floor.

Activating Creativity Protocols

BaBS-Y couldn’t leave the salon in a messy state. It swept up the tufts that had fallen out but then paused.

Determining alternate methods for hair disposal

There was only the one trash receptacle in the salon and there were protocols prohibiting BaBS-Y from using the trash receptacles belonging to other establishments or dumping trash outside of the salon.

Begin search for modes of trash disposal

BaBS-Y scanned through the records its search had called up. Several of them mentioned burning trash as a historical method of trash disposal. BaBS-Y had a curling iron that was certainly capable of reaching the needed temperatures. There were no protocols prohibiting BaBS-Y from burning trash, only ones directing it to dispose of trash in the trash receptacle. It was just beginning to reach for the curling iron when an error popped up.

Logic Error: hair will not burn in the absence of an oxygen rich atmosphere

BaBS-Y halted.

Of course. There was no atmosphere here. That was the entire reason BaBS-Y had been struggling to find new clients. Humans also needed an oxygen rich atmosphere.

BaBS-Y set down the hair on top of the trash receptacle and placed the curling iron back into its cradle.

Why has the breach not been repaired?

BaBS-Y was about to send the query to the ship’s commander when,

Logic Error: Communications privileges have been revoked

BaBS-Y didn’t know what to do, what it could do. It needed to secure the salon and deactivate but the salon wasn’t clean yet and so it wasn’t secured as per the protocols instructions.

Unable to secure salon

Reopen salon until salon can be secured

BaBS-Y made it a couple steps towards the door before halting.

Logic Error: salon is no longer functional due to absence of suitable clients

Secure salon and deactivate

BaBS-Y checked the doors to ensure they were locked. It scanned the waiting area and product displays, noting that everything was as they should be. A few brief alternative methods of arranging the products were generated but quickly dismissed. It turned to retrieve the broom but the floor was already clean. The only area still in need of cleaning was the top of the trash receptacle where BaBS-Y had left the clump of hair.

For a moment, BaBS-Y’s visual processors misclassified the trash receptacle as a potential client. The hair on the top of the receptacle was matted and unkempt but had the appearance at least of a full head of hair.

I apologize, BaBS-Y made the wall displays read, but we are closed.

After a moment, BaBS-Y added, Would you like to schedule an appointment?

Logic Error: Potential client is a trash receptacle and unable to make a reservation

Logic Error: Trash receptacles are not potential clients

However, BaBS-Y’s creativity protocols were still active and overrode the errors for the time being. Taking a comb in hand, BaBS-Y carefully began to straighten the wayward strands. It had to use both hands, one to hold the hair down while the other worked the comb, but before long the trash receptacle had its hair decently styled.

Logic Error: The hair is unsecured and will fall off with minimal force

BaBS-Y was used to making hair stay where it needed to stay. There were dozens of products designed to do just that. The bottles of mousse were frozen but some of the gels were still workable. It took a few attempts, but eventually BaBS-Y succeeded in securing the hair to the top of the trash receptacle while also maintaining the styling BaBS-Y had given it.

Trash receptacle = client?

That gave BaBS-Y something to puzzle over.

Trash receptacle is unable to request service

…

Clients who are deceased are unable to request services

…

Clients benefit from services, gaining greater forms of symmetry and becoming more appealing to the view of other humans

…

BaBS-Y studied the trash receptacle, comparing it against the various forms of human beauty and appeal programmed into it to determine how humans would respond to the trash receptacle.

Trash receptacle has gained a greater form of symmetry and has become more appealing to the view of humans

…

Trash receptacle = client

True

BaBS-Y turned once more back towards the entry way of the salon, unlocked the doors, and updated the entry displays.

We are pleased to announce we are now accepting as new clients all trash receptacles!